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Proper Spacemanship

[galaxy and night geyser courtesy of Astrodon]

Our ship, the HMS Explorer, was an ugly duckling, covered in pock and sprit to convey warp field generation.  She was a sight but space worthy, bringing us safely to our alien shore.  We were the first to land on this planet, rich in oxygen, nitrogen, hydrocarbons and metals.

First mate, Mr. Lurie, approached, "watch yer step cap'n, thar's mean pits o' goo and sharp whiskers about.  By gum, if I didn't get scritched right through me left boot."

Well, that was it for sterile environmental integrity!

A shout reverberated from behind Lurie, "egad, the pots burlin' sur."

We ran to the site and found an oily pool roiling.  Our sensors indicated life was flourishing in that pit.  In fact, it seemed to be evolving at an incredible rate.

"Mr. Lurie, use that useless boot in your hand to scoop up some of this stuff for later analysis and make ready to shove off."

I followed the crew onboard and I watched the ramp come up as I swung Lurie's dripping boot inboard.  Below I heard a voice and espied a rough looking biped through the closing hatch.  I could swear I heard it say with a lilt, "seems like an odd vessel for a specimen."
Pack 12 for School

Au Bears is an element of Memorial cheer.
A V-Dub at U-Dub can carry Husky people.
If it walks like a Duck and talks like a Duck, its probably Eugene.
A Corvallis 4H Club project might involve a Beaver dam.
When the left guard is a Pullman it's right up the Wazoo.
Every Indian became a Cardinal for the Palo Alto faithful.
The Trojan horse outside the L. A. Memorial was a Traveler.
Pauley was joyous when West-Wooden Bruins ruled the court.
"No day light savings time" fans are Tempe-rah-ry Sun Devils.
Night game stalkers in Tucson consist mainly of Wild Cats.
Buffaloed visitors sometimes lack confidence against their Boulder rivals.
And it was Cousin Vinnie's traction defense that saved the day for a couple of Utes.
The Giants Get Even


Your cards might be a little red;
Bedecked with bicycles on the back.
But this is San Francisco, where the paths have stairs
And suits are orange and black.

These aren't your ordinary players;
No one-eyed jacks, no suicide kings, no ladies are cheered.
There are no face cards at all...just aces
And misfits, like Mad-bum, the Freak, the Wisp and the Beard.

McCovey Cove is right at home -
Port for Blackbeard, Captain Quirk, and the White Shark.
Crazed fans embrace Giant Panik (and Panda-monium)
With a Pence, a Buster and a Belt at AT&T park.

In 2010 the Giants break the Curse of Coogan's Bluff
And the outlaws take 4 out of 5 from the Texas Ranger posse.
Lincecum, Uribe and Renteria play big
As does rookie of the year Buster Posey.

In 2012 we sweep the Tigers in the series
With the Panda going deep three times in game 1.
There's a song of a boy from south Detroit filling Tiger stadium
But that San Franciscan Journey lyric is a Perry fiction.

In the 2014 world series everyone on deck was a wildcard
And the Giants faced a Royal (flush with talent) team.
But Old Country dealt 17 kays in two wins and a game 7 save
(With one complete shut-out) to triple the peninsular dream.

One Liners Draw Power

An intern leaned on a fence and said to his tech abetter
"Take two tablets and call me in the morning."

The dispatcher asked "how did all that leaf litter get in here?"
To which a cabbie replied "it was hacked with Windows open."

Touch screen high tech is often stowed behind chain links
So it's good that a cager doesn't always need a key board to save a game.

The pharma in the Dell has e-luded many users
So the i-DEA is to track such e-sales as Gateway drugs.

A reporter asked a telecom PR firm manager for the key to their success
To which the officer replied, "Android data is driving the enterprise."

"It's CPU" said a newly graduated and tan geek-squader to his mentor
Who sheepishly agreed, "that molted seal skin on the beach just isn't PC."

A diner was arguing the merits of swiping a hamburger menu at a hot spot
When his weary companion tweeted "stop all of that app tap rap flap crap!"

A philosopher said in a GIF, "what's the meming of life?"
His fellow responded "it's technically three serial seconds".

The detective asked the perp how he had broken into the Microsoft office,
And he calmly replied "some Java helps me with the hand shake, then Ipad softly."

Gamers sometimes get locked up, but if they're frequent cell users
They won't need an escape key; they'll get booted at the touch of a button.
Semi Electric

Henry is a teamster.
He works the Saturn line
In the new trans-light special,
Hauler of oxygen and wine.

He lives at higher G's than we
So he's become a bit thick.
But when he's high in orbit
His mind is centered like a brick.

He drops in once in awhile,
Descending on reactionless drive...
It's the constant lack of inertia
That seems to keep him alive.
It's lonely in interplanetary space,
With only memories to keep him company.
Thankfully, he's a story rich man due to c-plus relativity,
Whence we've never heard it before, back through to infinity.
Super's Being Bigger Than Life

Underdog, Mighty Mouse, Super Chicken and Atom Ant
Were grouped beside a makeshift pen outside a smoldering building.
Beside the penned cats, dogs and pigs were caged hamsters, birds, and snakes.
When the press was finished interviewing Superman, Spidey and the Tick
They deigned to talk to the more diminutive humane saviors.
They asked Underdog what he thought of the dog in Strange Brew,
They asked Atom Ant if he'd gone to see Ant Man and the Wasp,
They asked Super Chicken if he'd taken a lickin',
And they asked Mighty Mouse if he'd ever gotten a mickie:
So he hit the reporter in the eye so he'd know what a mouse was all about.

Just One

one voice, just one, just one gentle voice
is enough to start a conversation
one heart, just one, just one beating heart
is enough to feel for your brother
one mind, just one, just one open mind
is enough for contemplation
one soul, just one, just one soul
is enough to be as one with another
one spirit, just one, just one spirit
is enough to inspire cooperation
one voice, just one, just one shared voice
is what keeps us working together
hurricanes hardly h'ever happen

we had water come in yest'rday
up near them rooftops
now we'n's floatin' 'cause
the water di'n't get gone
Close Enough for Government Work

"Why, you're a jackrabbit!"
"Did you mean jackass?"
"Whichever you prefer."

"I think that I smell a mouse."
"Did you mean a rat?"
"So, you smell it too."

"I wouldn't trade this putt for all of the coffee in China."
"Did you mean tea?"
"Well, yes, I guess it was that nice drive that got me here."

"Well, let's not split bears."
"Did you mean hairs?"
"I guess rabbits would hop-to a bit faster."
Captain James T Kobe

This is tomcat commander Kobe
Of the Tsarina’s Starship Wild Salmon
Calling unidentified illegal alien warp ship.
You are violating the border
Of the Feline Hegemony.
If you are harboring canine criminals
You better not try fleeing
Or you'll be scratched from the list
Of fetching flying saucers allowed
In Her pet part of space.

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"Make hay today and tomorrow Morro Bay."
- Solomon Tall (9/13/2017)

more Tall-isms here

Copyright © 2018 by Joe Pivetti