New Doodles Page 12

New Doodles (12)

Creature Features Volume 3

Sharpest eyed/3-eyed piscine, flashy bluefin tuna, non-stop swim with finlet efficiency and lymphatically tucked dorsal fins, and keep warm with retia mirabilia and high hemoglobin.
Of vertebrates, great white sharks heal wounds with the most blood-clotting and scaffolding protein genes - while genome stability keeps them cancer free into their seventies.
A binocular scallop hammerhead she-shark returns to the deep post-pupping in a coastal nursery - where she'll hold her breath in frigid dives and rise heated-up from that sea.
Dolphins use pufferfish, baby talk, unihemispheric sleep, bubble-mistnet and mud-wall hunting...and tools (from mom, they learn benthic predation, using shelling and sponging).
African elephants, largest of terrestrial animals, like dolphins, have names for each other, tusks from tushes, and 50,000 muscled trunks...that they entwine with their courter.
The lowland streaked tenrec uses pate spikes for head-butting enemy animals - but it's the use of back-quills for ultra-sonic stridulation that makes him unique among mammals.
An Alpine swift doesn't touch down for 180 days at a time, even sleeping in flight - while the common swift recorded the longest uninterrupted fly (over 300 days and a night).

Carnivorous algae, Karldinium armiger, was hunting off the coast of Spain, but now, this karmitoxic dinoflagelate, is taking prey 10,000-times its size in the waters of the Dane.
The wing-shedding sloth moth hatches from top-ratio-to-body-size poop weekly...and nitrates that three-toe's wet groove-stranded fur to feed algae he hangs around to eat meekly.
Inflexible non-cornet flutemouthed and chromatophored trumpet fish use vertical sea whip sway, and lurking behind parrot fish, to sneakily hose-up and vomer-tooth prey.
The stingless giant whip scorpion (or vinegaroon or grampus) is a 3-part pedipalp brigand...that aims acetic acid 15-times stronger than vinegar from a 5-shot tailed pydgial gland.
Desert grassland whiptail lizards are all females who clone around after trysts...and whose genetically diversive triploid uniparens trait came from backcrossing by herpetologists.
Sticky footed assassin bugs of Malaysia paralyze and extraorally digest and suck dry ants...and then don their exoskeletons, like an armored and bustled pair of pants.
Big air-warming snouts, musky hydrophobic skin excretions and woolly secondary coats - plus 6-foot standing jumps, mean survival for Himalayan Sichuan-takin antelope-goats.
Seahorses reshape via spine control and recolor via chromatophore cell dilation (baring liquid or granular pigment: white to black, green, orange or red), matching their station.

The only herbivorous marine mammal, the fusiformed and sirenian dugong, or sea cow, smell well, have pachyostosis (super dense bones) and whiskers that feel out their chow.
Blue whales, Earth's largest animals ever, low-frequency sing to a mate up to 1,000 miles away, and, after a long swim, they've calves who drink 1-1/2 barrels of milk every day.
Pre-dino centenarian coelacanths have fat filled brains and float bladders, electrosensitive rostral organs...plus maw widening skull joints, ctenoid elasmoid scale armor,
straight- tube-chambered hearts, and so many fins that they can do headstands. [These fish amaze me by more than a smidge - and are just too prehistoric for me to abridge.]
The camouflaged looper adorns itself with leaves, flowers and branches and then sways at odd degrees - which makes it seem like its just foliage bending in the breeze.
French Guinea termites accumulate blue crystalline toxins in dorsal glands and, when old, can blow themselves up, mixing the blues with saliva to create a colonial poison stand.
To build 500 meter canals and dams, ever growing beaver teeth have ferrous enamel of orangish hues - they've also a 75% one-breath air-exchange, and yellow castor sac ooze.
The hard-scaled horned lizard (or horny toad) puffs up its body to deter predatory guys, but if that fails, it can shoot an aimed stream of toxic blood 5 feet from out of its eyes.
Of ants, the Winter's poison might limit the "California large" supercolony of venom spraying Argentine, so as to revive the harvester population - the primary horned lizard cuisine.

Male nocturnal hairy frogs (or horror or wolverine frogs) have papillae on the side - and crack toe bones for rapid pivot to thorn-like claws to thwart predators who're after their hide.
Pacific barreleye fish (or spook fish) steal from stinging siphonophores, revealed...by vertical tubular eyes (leveled to feed) within a transparent brain-revealing nemocyst shield.
Monotropa uniflora (ghost plant, ghost pipe, or Indian pipe), is achlorophyllous and mycoheterotrophic - abetted by a fungi, it's a parasite on the beeches (which are autotrophic).
Thigmomorphogenic thale cress' (a mustard and first genome sequenced plant) pith...conducts R:FR light down to root phytochromes through its 6-week lifecycle in lunar regolith.
Of morning glory's prey sniffing dodder*, a parasitic wasp might mute her gall weevil - but not before the evil weevil's larva directs the gall to produce more starch - and chlorophyl.
Dicerocaryum senecioides' (Devil Thorn or Boot Protectors) flavonoid glycosides...are good for conditioning curly hair, growing hair on mice in vivo, and as an alopecia-cide.
Henneguya salminicola (milky flesh), a myxosporean endoparasite, is a derived cnidarian, and features...no nervous, epithelial, gut or muscle cells and is a non-breathing creature.
Owls feel prey via filoplumes on beak and feet, locate 'em via face-dome enhanced eccentric ears, and talon 'em on velvety wings (with serrated remiges) which rodents can't hear.
A kākāpō is not Cockerspaniel/Poodle mix, but the largest, fattest and only blue-footed...polygynous flightless [owl] parrot who amplifies skraarks, via bowl shaped lek, for booty.
The nocturnal great potoo mimics a tree stump or branch as it patiently sits...in wait of unsuspecting prey, with eyes closed, seeing through sneaky lower eyelid slits.

Male dancing frogs wave their feet to attract females as an agonistic behavior, but the females only wave theirs...to cover eggs with pebbles to hide them from predators.
Toxic male cheek-biting Japanese pufferfish flap fins to create peaks and troughs - plus a central nest, in 6 foot benthic ocean crop circles, edged with seashell and coral sloughs.
Conk or Cone (or cigarette) snail victims do not feel the sting of its harpoon dart - because conotoxins (in the 100s) have paralytic properties - stunning prey to be eaten à la carte.
Flounders crawl the seabed whilst changing binocularly-seen color and pattern sights - via googly-eye-to-skin control of melanophores, erythophores, xanthophores and iridocytes.
Hogfish are born shes but mature to hes and have light sensors 'neath each color-changing cell - in their skin...that act as feedback control, so that, at camouflage, they excel.
To attract a mate, a male beat-keeping hooded seal closes one nostril and, rather, inflates a pink nasal membrane out the other whilst blowing its top-mounted bubblicious bladder.
Some non-iridescent jewel beetles have multiple abdominal infrared receptors to detect forest fires afar - which they fly to for mating, and to lay eggs in burnt eucalyptus over thar.
Welwitschia (onion of the desert) is a Namib monotypic genus of gymnosperm with partial CAM (crassulacean acid metabolism), 2,000+ year lifespan, one leaf, and early head
loss (which is technically apical meristem).

* Dodder (or amarbel) folk names include strangle tare, scaldweed, beggarweed, lady's laces, fireweed, wizard's net, devil's guts, devil's hair,
devil's ringlet, goldthread, hailweed, hairweed, hellbine, love vine, pull-down, strangleweed, angel hair, and witch's hair.

The Sound of the Ocean [hover the mouse over the blue text to see additional information]

yoga surf sites

"Hear the sound of the Pacific surf in your deep breathing" tells us to breathe deeply in Asanas and through flows. Siting surf sites are mnemonics (for me) for pace and transition: Doheny, Laguna, Huntington, Bolsa Chica, Surfside, Malibu, Rincon, Morro, Avila, Cayucos, Cambria, Santa Cruz, Mavericks, Pacifica, Trinidad, Crescent City, La Push and Yasawa.

Like on Pizza Port cans, Paramahansa Yogananda's yogi site overlooks Beach play - to the Beach Boys cutback: "Haggerties and Swamis (Inside, outside, USA)."

Near where the swallows return on a mission, the Surfari's carved up Doho: "Down in where the surfers all go, There's a big beach blondie, named Surfer Joe".

From Laguna's "Top of the World" one has a world's-longest-running-surf-meet view...of the Beach Boys dropping "They're anglin' in in Cerro Azul" [...that's in Peru].

In Surf City, "they're shootin' the pier" (per the Boys); the Safaris song goes: [our] "Surfer...went...to Beach...Hangin' five and...The trophy was Joe's."

One bikes west through a State Conservation Area (with oil wells) to mushburger Beach - for sponging, surf fishing and making smores (its the pits...along PCH).

Between Huntington Harbor and the Sunset lies the house rows A, B and C...of CA, home of the Seals, the water tower house, and the Surfside Bowl at the jetty.

In "they're shootin' the pier" (hopefully, not at Point Dume) or being shubies at Leo Carillo, Topanga, Dan Blocker, La Piedra, El Matador, El Pescador or Zuma.

Steve Bissell's 1973 photo made Rincon Point famous for bending wave flows, then the Beach Boys kicked out: [after Malibu and HB] "At Rincon, they're walkin' the nose"

Nugs are often 6-feet-tall at Lisamu (which is Chumash) or (Spanish for nose) Rock, a 581-feet-tall, 23-million-year-old volcanic plug (1 of the 13 lava domes in SLO).

The Hartford pier (built 1878 and still drivable) of Port San Luis, by 1914, was in the world's biggest oil port (whose U/G pipe leaks required Beach be rebuilt in 2016).

Creek doesn't quite flow over the beach, just north of the quimby pier line...near KPIG studio, Duckies Chowder House and Schooners live music (à la Fort Vine).

West of Moonstone Beach in 1941, oil tanker Montebello was sunk by a Japanese submarine, but, now, Fiscalini Ranch walk's safe...beside its sanctuary marine.

In 1885, (banana slug haven) birthed surfing on the mainland...when three Hawaiian princes, on redwood plank "boards", showed locals how to hang ten.

North of Half Moon Bay's Pillar Point is (named after a pet Berger Blanc Suisse), home to 60-foot heavies (which were big-wave-surfer Mark Foo's...fatal nemesis).

Sharp Park Road winds from San Bruno to (site of the largest US artichoke crop in the 1890's), sister city to Catalonia, and a surfing destination since the 1930's.

North of (Yurok) Tsurai (overlooking Bay and a "murdered by capitalism" tomb), after a long walk, one must brave rip tides...to turtle roll freely at...the Big Lagoon.

The Battery Point Lighthouse fared better than the bathymetrically disadvantaged... (which 1964 tsunamis damaged more...than the earthquake in Anchorage).

The Quileute River and native people run through (like French for the mouth) on the Olympic Peninsula (where, erst, a salmon-smoker sign read: "we're out").

Blue Lagoon filmed in the where its king, 'til 1987, made tourism a no-goer, and where the Bukama chief, in sulu (an iTaukei kilt), proudly showed us his mower.

Just A Few cc's (Chemical Cocktails)

chem-cocktail

A water molecule flows into a bar and the bartender asks "what's your name, o almost icy one?" and the H₂O expansively says "brrr and shh: I'm bond, covalent bond."
A molecule twists his way into a pub and the publican asks "for a Hamilton, do you want a black and white...cookie?" and the doh HO hangs ten and says "radical dude."
A heavy water molecule stomps into a roadhouse and the tapster asks "what do ya tope?" and the D₂O eyes him automatedly and blandly returns "isotope to be stable."
An acid molecule struts into a lounge and the mixologist asks "what's your poison" and the HF corrosively retorts with "I'm a proud proton donor...and I like my liqueur hydrofluoric."
A noble gas molecule inertially skates into a drinkery and the counterman asks "what's your sign?" and the N guy rests his leg on a sycophant, lights up and says "neon."
A crystal ticks into a saloon and the victualler asks "what's your tonic?" and the SiO₂ sighs before parrying with "a quartz of might be the cure."
An rolls into a bar (mitzvah) and the barperson asks "what's making your dressing so tart?" and the −COCH₃ couches with "a Revi'ith of ethanoyl bevakasha."
A diliatant oozes into a watering hole and the Barth-tender asks "what's your corn?" and the ol' C₆H₁₀O₅ starchily counters with "I'm still Seuss-ing that out."
A slinks into a free house and an alewife asks "waddya tink you can buy wit dat?" to which the C₁₂H₂₂O₁₁ sweetly supplies "if you think I'm sucrose, I won't have a t'ing."
A salt reels into a groggery and the barmate asks "what'll be your ration?" and the NaCl sparks back "avast ye, might I jest have an electric dipole moment to decide?"
A blind benzene bumps into a bar and the tapper asks "what do I smell?" and the C6H6 canes out in code "I hope you meant spell - 'cause I'm thirsty as an of 12."
An ammoniacal enters a shebeen and the bar-cologist asks "what's your pollution?" and the NH3-N, says "if no one's buyin' a round, then I' guess I've had my fill of leachate today."
A glycol glides into a joint and the hootcher asks "what' coolin' your radiator?" and the (CH₂OH)₂ viscously replies "I can't taste or smell it it...but ethylene might keep me fluid."
A ketone bellie's up to a bar and the tap bender asks "have you decided what's singin' to you?" and the cheery R₂C=O lilts ...as I'm stuck in a group between C's".
A protein molecule sidles up to the bar and the server asks "how mean do you want it?" and the RCH(NH₂)COOH says "not to viscous; there's no WC and I'm already
A methylene blue molecule droops into a bar and the bartendress asks "I'm guessing sex on the beach?" and the C₁₆H₁₈N₃SCl says "I may be aromatic but I'm also
Some anion salts sail into a tavern and the taverner asks "would you like something light?" and one who's H₂O₂ says "hold on and we'll make our group choice by
A Berkeley radical strolls into a taproom and a barmaid asks greenly "do I need to card you?" and he responds with a Bk whopper of "I've already been emitted to Californium."
A skips into a cantina and the victualler asks "like alcohol?" and the R-SH hurriedly says "I'm analagous to it but I'm stuck with an substituent."
An amino acid creeps up to a bar with a long list. The barkeep asks "just one hot drink?" and the (CH₃)₃N⁺CH₂CO₂^- says "can't isomerize: 2 cold ones as I'm and beet."

To Halve and Have Naught

0 ➗ 1/2 = 0

Of a 50% raise a newbie might say "half of nothing's still nothing";
And, of quitting, to say "I've Half a Mind" is a half laughing and half crying for something;
Whereas, whispering "I've half a notion" is half an octave below,
But, at the bar, the foam off a half pint's head ...might be ablow.

Middle-earth halflings smialed in the shire
Where half truths were spoken by Proudfeet and liars,
And where Bag End half-moons might have been by the seat of the pants...
But, alas, half-hearted, they seemed leery of Gandalfian chants.

Going off half cocked is unready,
And continuing half-assed is unheadedly heady;
Whereas, a half-a-chance given is...actually one,
And...if well begun, is already half done.

A glass half full isn't half bad,
But a plot that's half-baked is soddenly sad.
A half measure won't get the job done,
And a half note dotted...well, that still leaves a quarter unsung.

As in padded pajamas, the bottom half of an inning...is for men batting at home.
In football, the 13-minute half-time allows a fan to go get a beer and a dog in a dome,
Where, of backs, a full might block when a quarter hands off to a half...
As you wave at the camera, saying hi to Mom...and to your better half.

Nautically, a round turn and two half hitches is a knot form of security,
In wrestling, half nelson holds are often employed during tag team reciprocity.
Elementally, a noble isotope has the longest half life.
And finally, keep in mind, that half a loaf is better than none...even if rye.

Captain [not] Kobe (Revisited)

Don the helm of our cat race
We're headin' into unknown space
Where the stakes are higher than the last kitty
And where you'll be lucky to live to tell the tale
Of clawing through, tooth and nail,
The woofing and weaving star dogs without pity
That are wreaking havoc in that fabric of space
With laser light distraction
And Silverine/catmint stupification
So, to civilize the sector and return to base
We must rely on our feline faculty
To bring low our arch enemy and to land on our feet

Surfing Alfvén Waves

Alvin, Simon, Theodore and Dave Seville weren't live
They were recorded at half speed to sound like a 33⅓ at 45
The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)
Won three Grammy Awards and hit number one in 1958
Fans, before L, V, I, N...roar A!
While, on stage, lip syncing Alvin waves

Surf ready electrons are accelerated by Alfvén waves
To produce the colorful polar aurorae...
By hitting, at 45 million miles per hour, molecular
Nitrogen and oxygen in the Earth's thermosphere.
In effect, the Kinetic Alfvén Waves are the KAWs
Of EMF energy transfer, to make glow: boreal and austral plasmas.

Yhprum's Law Makes Open Face PB&J's Land Jelly Side Up (and Upside Down Jellies Launch Torpedoes)

Murphy's Law	Yphrum's Law	Cnidarian (Jellyfish & Box Jelly) Law
Dropped toast lands butter side down	Dropped toast lands on a plate jelly side up	Jellyfish have crystal bearing rhopalia to sense up from down
Anything that can go wrong will	Anything that can go wrong has been ameliorated with safety measures	Turritopsis dohrnii, the "immortal jellyfish", can revert back to a polyp for a second chance at life
The more it itches, the harder it is to scratch	A little lotion and the itch is gone	The Australian box [comb] jellyfish sting is toxic, painful, and sometimes fatal, but can be soothed with the application of vinegar (bottled at stations along Oz beaches)
Washing your car makes it rain	Washing your car makes it rain complements	A jellyfish bloom is followed by a jellyfish rain which feeds bacteria, resulting in local hypoxia
The price only comes out even when you've change in your pocket	They take credit cards	You can use your credit card to dine on fat-free jellyfish in Korea, Japan and China (the biggest buyers in a world market that exceeds $750,000,000 a year)
The line you get in is always the slowest	"I can help you over here"	Jellyfish control their swim direction by paddling harder on one side
Lost items always show up right after buying a replacement	The only thing you've ever lost is weight!	Lion's Mane jellyfish can weigh up to 500 pounds (with 100 foot long stinging tentacles)
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance	We've gone paperless	Many jellyfish in the class Hydrozoa, such as the hydromedusa Aglantha digitale, are completely transparent
Your nose always itches when you've grease on your hands	You've an affordable, honest and expert mechanic	Robojelly scientists are striving to make it run on hydrogen that it extracts from seawater
The heavier an item dropped, the likelier it will land on your toes	You've steel toed shoes	There are some marshes with Upside down jellies where going barefoot is discouraged due to cassiosomes (exuded mucus balls filled with stingers)
There's always someone watching when you do something stupid	You do the right thing when no one is watching	Tripedalia box jellies have four sets of boxcar arranged eyes with the middle eyes having lenses and color receptors
When you dial a wrong number, it's never busy	You have a smart phone with up to date contacts	Kuragedo, the way of the jellyfish, involves bell flaps that make jellies the most efficient of all swimmers
If you use a flat tire as an excuse for being late, the next day you'll have a blow out	Your boss doesn't care if you're late once in a while	Jellyfish pump ions in and out of their mesoglea (bell fluid) to control buoyancy

Most Bands Have a Demonymic

Some Belgians with colds are quite Flemish, and others, on the griddle, just waffle.
Some Kiwis are fuzzy on the family tree and may try to skirt Maori customs.
In eastern Sumatra, uncocked fists may turn a chicken fight into a quieter Malay condition.
In N'Djamena, an oppositionist decided not to vote because the ins had left him with a hanging Chad.
Indians living in the Lakshadweep islands are Laccadivian, even if they own sofas.
Even if you prefer vanilla politics to Neapolitan, in Naples, every year you're Campanian.
The best Siberians are known as the cream of Tartars.
If on an expensive night out in Prague, you see a mounted bohemian in chain armor, it's comforting to know
          ...that the Czech is in the mail.
Latvia (or Letland) might be home to two Riga Mauri...as an example of how Letts can be Moor.
When you go to the poles, international law applies, but if the Poles come to you, home law applies.
At an Olympic basketball game, a fan asks, "wouldn't our co-prince be proud of that Catalan's great Eurostep to the basket?"
       A Basque-et in the next seat tersely replies "Andorran."
Teutonically, the gin tab at a cheap Vienese restaurant in pre-Euro Paris, might have been a Franc for a frank for a Frank.
Toking ex-Baltic-SSRian Tallins, while almost north of the border, are still Estonian.
In ancient France one had a lot of Gaul, but across the channel, an artist wouldn't need to be rude...to get a lot of Picts.
When asking a fellow for a piece of breath-refreshing gum in Trent, you might do it with a Tridentine
In litigious Salt Ste. Marie, Canada, one Soo's the same as another.
When you operate a Mexican food truck near the Puget Sound, you're likely a a Tacoman.
In Leichester, of bobbies, one might say to an abetter, "Chizzit, the cops."
In Helsinki there might be more than one Sami (but neither is likely to be Hagar or Davis Junior).
In Detroit, it's not uncommon for a Michigander to propose to a Michigoose.
In Lomé on the Gulf of Guinea, not in Togolese, a British tourist might say, "I'm a bit short mate...
          could you discount the Botokoin if it's not for take-away."
If cooking up home-made Macanese in São Francisco Xavier parish, Kraft work's not in a side for Galinha à portuguesa.
If you find a Waterloo asylum escapee atop a barrier, he's likely a Walloon.
If your pasty wrap crust in Looe is made from masa harina, is it still Cornish?
A Mainiac's hairstyle might be that of a Bangor or she might prefer it, like lobster, kept in a roll.
On the Tawahati, a local rafter that's swigged too much milk, might drop in the drink for a Mooloo.
A Maldivian in the Gulf of Mannar might rudely and unfairly dole out dramamine and then venture to Ceylon to calmer seas.
An Istanbully with luggage might say "Atatürk" as he takes an Ilkadim view of a Samsunite monument.
What does the lingerie of a busty woman, who has left the China/Burma border hills, have in common with a napping frère in
          Aix-en-Provence? One's an ex-Wa Z bra and the other's an Aixois Z bro.
Over the Falls of the Ohio and into Churchill Downs came a hat hating left tenant Slugger of a Louisvillain...
          out to ruin the derby.
Johnny foisted many a sketchy com. stock load on Carsonites: as Art Fern (with "matinee lady" Carol Wayne),
      and as Carnac the Magnificent (with "Midas Muffler breath" McMahon) - usually right after Doc blew his horn.

Disorder in the Court!

Posse member: "After they all smelled the victim's clothing, the majority of the dogs led us right to this man."	Capturee: "But there was dissent."
Judge: "The trash in your yard is in violation of municipal code chapter 9.60 and you are hereby fined $50 and instructed to rectify said yard disorder within 5 days."	Homeowner: "Fine, but disorder is ridiculous."
Cop: "I'm arresting you on a count of disorderly conduct."	Brawler: "The barman said I'd getta discount."
Ransomer: "We agreed that as long as he was tied up, we wouldn't hurt him."	Black-eyed hostage: "But they broke into discord."
Capo: "You gotta lie on the stand."	Hood: "I ain't prone to disinformation."
Judge: "That'll be $100 for obfuscation and misconduct."	Lawyer: "What can I do to dismiss dishonor?"
Suer: "Your false pool cue advertisement distorts the truth."	Suee: "You know where you can stick distort."
Animal control agent: "You kept your dog on board the ferry even when he was foaming at the mouth."	Dog owner: "Distemper was worse than disbark."
Narc Captain: "My squad is close to eliminating your junk from the street."	Dealer: "Disuse of drugs is very concerning to me."
Vice squad Commander: "We've told the sex workers about how you inflict pain and they've said that you're now unwelcome."	Sadist: "Disabuse has got to stop."
Examiner: "Did you break your arm while trying to pry open the safe at Sal's Jewelry Store?"	Examinee: "It wasn't at dislocation."
E-crimes agent: "Did you sow dissension at your competitors office via phishing with this cat-5 cable?"	Hacker: "It wasn't a data cord that got to 'em, it was disaccord."
Lawyer: "Do you really think that anybody believes that God told you to put those jewels in your pocket?"	Yegg: "It's disbelief that made me do it."
Judge: "You must be pretty good with those prosthetic legs to be able to burgle a second floor condo."	Differently-abled body: "Disability got me access."
Beak: "It appears, that upon arrest the plaintiff threatened the police with gang violence."	Gunsel: "The copper sez he's gotta disarm me. So I sez, we got soldiers too."
Attorney: "This shop surveillance tape shows you were at the scene of the crime."	Defendant: "I ain't discrimable."
Counselor: "Are you ready to be deposed today"	Nervous abettor: "I think I'd rather strike dispose."
Copyrightist: "Does selling knock-offs make you content?"	Pirate: "I'm truly unhappy with discontent."
Panelist: "We are here to determine if your house transportation was oversized."	Hauler: "Disassembly ain't required."

The log (log) slide...rules!

Prologue: Log (log) slide rules got Apollo to the moon (and me through Fr. year at Cal), then TI equaled it, and, eventually, IT obsoleted it.

A hewn trunk from a managed forest is not a natural log.
When you balance the books of multiple timber companies it's on a log log scale.
When you remove bark with broken rhytidome layers from a felled spruce or pine you accumulate a log scale.
Carboniferous termites didn't log scale trees because they weren't very woody.
"It is more blessed to give than to receive", and, "judge not, lest ye too be judged" are both logions (which Jesus did not deliver at a lightning tree).
Log scales are used to measure earthquakes, loudness and pH...and sometimes the weight of timbered trees.
The neper is a log unit for ratios of physical field quantities (but never to say there's twice as many trees in that field than this one).
Oughtred conceptually invented the log-log slide rule but the MLB later logged in a slide rule requiring one to be outrightly bona fide.
Apparent magnitude is a reverse log measure of the brightness of a star and some cruise into a very high score on the scale.
Log transformation is used for image enhancement via expanded dark pixels or via chainsaw when carving out a bear from the wood.
To condense logs, we use log rules: the product rule (for pencils), the division rule (for toothpicks), the power rule (for tinder), the change of base rule (for decamping to the open), and the base switch rule (for turning off a fake fire).
F-stops are logs for photographers, which when publicized, mitigate swearing on the next club outing.
Logs are used for needle and wire gauges (especially if timbering dry pines near some live ones).
The Krumbein phi scale for particle size (which helps weigh a cake after its been squashed) is a log₂.

That's all well and good and very logical, but I have some questions:

If Anne Frank had been born in Spain, would she have written an analog?
If foresters argue over the name of a tree species, do they set fire to it with a logomach?
When you carve a smiley into a tree that your BFF always walks past, is it a logogram?
When the record of the height at a dam gets damaged, is it waterlogged?
If you get stuck with writing too many jelly recipes, is it a logjam?
If you give up on writing about amateur athletes, have you begun a prolog?
If you record three dimensional representations of trees, is it an isolog?
If you have a discussion about changing the color of a tree, is it a dialog?
When checking attendance at a forestry school contest, do you call out a logroll?
Are the number of trucks on the highway recorded in a semilog?
When you record felines born in the woods, do you make a catalog?
When you get tired of carrying timber, is it due to a backlog?
When researching which cabbies to fire, does one consult a hacklog?

Epilogue: The last US slide rule was made the week after the bicentennial and, currently, the US Sr. Softball Assoc. enforces a no slide rule at home.

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"'Myers asks what do you see in the sea grass?' A contestant replies, 'uh, sea cow?' And Mike asks his aide for dugong."
- Solomon Tall (12/2/2023)

more Tall-isms here